The Love Side Of Deathnote
by Emery Loves Emeralds
Summary: Near steals Mello's chocolate so Mello has to do a "favor" for near and L walks in and sees something disturbing... LxNear MelloxMatt
1. Chapter 1

"Near, what did you do with my chocolate?"

"Oh nothing."

"GIVE IT BACK NEAR!"

"First you will need to do something..."

"No Near Anything BUT THAT!"

"You want the chocolate?"~N

Yes i do want it...okay lets get this over with"~M

(L walks in right in the middle of when they are fucking)

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING NEAR! I THOUGHT WE HAD A THING!" ~L

"L i had to or else he said he was gonna kill you" ~N

"WHAT NO I DIDNT!"~M

"WHEN DID I SAY THAT NEAR!"~M

"when you were raping me me because i took your chocolate"~N

"What the Frick Near! You stole my chocolate and made me! L, you know my only love is chocolate. I hate Near!"~M

" then what are you doing right now? that white stuff coming out of your d*ck?~N

**"I JUST WANTED MY CHOCOLATE!" *is starting to cry* "L, chocolate is to me like Near is to you. I FREAKIN LOVE IT! DONT YOU UNDERSTAND?" ~M**

"why didn't you just go to the store?"~L

"Because I got this from my grandmother in Australia. They have the best chocolate there and I couldn't let Near have it."~M

( Near eating the last piece of chocolate while Mello was talking)

**"WHAT IS YOU'RE FREAKING PROBLEM! YOU LITTLE PSYCHO KID! I JUST GET DONE EXPLAINING WHY I LOVE THAT CHOCOLATE AND YOU EAT IT! YOU MADE ME DO THAT FOR NOTHING YOU PERVERT! I HATE YOU!" ~M**

(Mello starts putting his tongue in Nears mouth to get the chocolate)

"Mello, if you were so disappointed and you said Near made you, what exactly are you doing? "~L

"**I'm trying to get the leftover chocolate from this little Psycho what else does it-*Mello realized what he is doing quickly gets up and says"what AM I DOING i cant believe I'm actually doing this just to get chocolate "~M**

"Seems believable. You have an unhealthy obsession, wouldn't you think?" ~Near

"I agree. You need to find a healthier thing. Like apples or grapes or...Near, would you happen to have any strawberries?"~L

"Mello we need to get you some help. i think its time to take you to chocoholics anonymous"~L

"Yes, brilliant idea L. There was a chocoholic meeting scheduled in a near by hotel meeting room tomorrow. Maybe you should go."

"i-i think your right L i wanna solve this problem but chocolate is so good its like trying to get you and your strawberries apart"~M

"THAT IS A DIFFERENT THING!"~L

"Maybe you're right. But I still want to eat chocolate, for it is my love!"~M

"Near loves me but you don't see him kissing me every moment"~L

Mello stares at L, then at Near. "What are you're people's problems? and I need to see a psychiatrist!"~M

"your the one that was getting the chocolate out of my boyfriends mouth" ~L

"That's because chocolate is to me like Near is to you! If I had the best, most juiciest, most reddest strawberry in my mouth,what would you do?"~M

"i would round house kick you and then take the strawberry out of your mouth"~L

"See? In the end you would get your strawberry. Just like I got my chocolate. Its the same thing, only different.~M

"I guess"L

"So. Near, you need to go to my grandmother in Australia and apologize, then buy me more"~M

"...If"~N

"?"~M

"You gotta apologize for calling me a pervert"~N

*you're a pervert?*~L

"...if I do you swear you'll go to Australia and buy me some chocolate?"~M

"Yes i promise, if i can take L with me. For a vacation"~N

"WHAT ABOUT ME!"~M

"Mello, if u went then there would be no reason for us to go "~L

" Well, then Matt and I will go somewhere awesome, and you'll be jealous! I KNOW YOU WILL BE!"~M

"Have fun? But not too much fun"~L

"We'll go to a comic-con or something and you will be jealous. OH SO JEALOUS!"~M

"Ya i will be, if you guys are having fun ,you know bed room fun, Just kidding i won't be jealous cuz me and L are staying up ALL night"~N

"Well, I hope Kira kills you both"~M

"MELLO don't joke about that"~L

"It's a serious matter, Mello."~Near

"Not as serious as Matt's and My relationship~M

"How long have you been going out?" L

"4 months and we started you know, fucking since last month"~M

"Wow, quick relationship."~N

"Well, Near and I need to go book some plane tickets. See you." ~L

"Okay bye! DON'T YOU FUCKING FORGET MY DAMN CHOCOLATE!"~M

"We might just"~Near

"if you don't bring it i will rape you in your sleep"~M

"So, you're in love with my boyfriend!" ~L

"What? NO!" *starts blushing*~M

"Look at the color in your cheeks! What would Matt say?" ~N

"What about me?" ~Matt

"Matt! My boyfriend!" *kisses Matt on lips*

"And don't you forget"~ Matt

"Look at all this love." L says tearing

*Near starts bawling* "Theres so much confusion! And Mello, get some pants on!"

"I agree with Near, get some pants on." L

"Fine I will but I'm wearing my sexy tight leather pants"~Mello

"Yeah Buddy" ~Matt

*Smacks Mello's butt*

"So I heard we're going to a comic con?" ~Matt

"Yeah, it'll be epic. We'll see your favorites; Pikachu, Zelda, Link, and the Power Puff girls." -Mello

"if i see a guy dressed like Link and he hot can i please kiss him, Mello?"~Matt

"Fine. But only a quick one okay?"~Mello

*mutters under his breath*"killjoy"~Matt

*after taking out I phone and going on Internet* "Looks like the comic con is in Sydney this year. I guess we will be on the same flight" ~Near

"P Sherman 42 Wallaby, Sydney?"~Matt

"yes indeed"~Near

"no fucking way!"~Matt

"Well, I guess it's a Wammy Vacation" ~L

"so what am i gonna wear Oh my God, i have never worried about this! i need a costume!"~Matt

"what about Watari?"~N

"Watari will need to stay here and keep me up to date on the Kira cases."~L

"OH MY GOSH! We should go as Finn and Princess Bubblegum from adventure time" ~Mello

"No! i want to be Jake! Cuz he can stretch in "different" places you know want I'm talking about? eh? eh?~Matt

"Then I want to be LSP, LUMPY SPACE PRINCESS" ~Mello

"Fine! but LSP is ugly and lumpy"~Matt

"HURTFUL! I can't believe I love you, after you insult me like that!" ~Mello

*Near and L slowly leave the room*

"I'm sorry Mello i didn't mean it i was just-" *breaks off crying* "I can understand if you don't want to talk to me"~Matt

"It's okay Matt, I was overreacting"

"No i was being a douche"~Matt

"I just insulted lumpy space princess cuz she is ugly and your not"~Matt

"Matt, you are the best guy I ever had! Let's go pack for comic con" ~Mello

"yes I'm gonna be Jake!"~Matt

"Then I will be Finn"~Mello

"Alright!"~Matt


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Thank my buddy Mimic for helping me write this chapter, lets just say our study hall is very boring and we have no life haha. We are also obsessed with Deathnote which is why i call her Mimic, cause she mimics everything from deathnote. I'm gonna shut up cause some people hate author notes, so Review!**

Near is standing in a mirror talking to himself and starts fantasizing that L is in trouble "Oh Near come save me!"~ Near being L

"Okay! your big strong boyfriend Near is so sexy he just saved you using his sexiness"~N

"Near your so sexy kiss me so we can go to Candy land and get married together and so my strawberry coated lips kiss you"~Near being L

*near starts acting like L is kissing him*

*the real L is standing 5 feet away from him trying not to laugh*

*Near hears a chuckle and turns around thinking"oh shit i hoped its not him, i hope its not him...Damn its him!"*

"So how long have you been standing there?"~N

"just long enough to know where we are getting married and I'm gonna kiss you with my strawberry coated lips, Hahahaha"~L

"Well, since I've been talking about how sexy you are..would you like some grapes? I know how they make you feel." ~Near

"no grapes make you feel horny not me"~L

"You even have a song about it; grapes in the mouth make you happy down south"~L

"Oh yeah, lets get some strawberries to get you horny"~N

*Matt walks by* "Strawberries make you horny? Where's the nearest grocery store?""You're not fucking me!"~L  
>"Unless..."~N<br>"WTF NEAR WE ARE NOT HAVING A THREEWAY!"~L  
>NO! I MEANT A FOURWAY!"~N<br>"I DONT CARE I'M NOT FUCKING ANYBODY BUT NEAR!"~L  
>*Matt walks away "awww"~Matt<p>

*In the airport at a smoothie stand*

"I'll have... a strawberry smoothie, with extra strawberry."~L

"Your lips will finally by strawberry coated, then we can get married in Candy land!" ~Near

*Cashier, Smoothie Person, Owner and guys behind them looks at them weirdly*

**"JUST HURRY UP AND GET ME MY FREAKIN SMOOTHIE PERSON!"~ L**

"Where'd Matt and Mello go?"~Near

"Probably some chocolate store or something. The plane leaves soon so we better go find them." ~ L

*L receives smoothie*

*L and Near find them in a chocolate store as L suspected and head toward the metal detector*

*L, Near and Matt go through without a problem*

*Mello walks through and alarm goes off*

"what the fuck?"~Mello

" I took out all of my change and crap, my shoes are off, my rings are off! Now what!"~Mello

"We are going to need to do a full body search, erm.. sir?" *guard is unsure of what gender he is*

"Yeah I'm a dude"~Mello  
>"WITH SEXY LONG HAIR!"~Matt<br>*Mello blushes*

"Where do you think I could be hiding a weapon in this tight of clothes?"~Mello  
>*Guard sees a bulge in Mello pants*<br>"Uh sir i am going to check your pants for a weapon"  
>"Are you talking about the bulge in his pants?"~Matt<br>"Yes sir"  
>"There's no weapon there he is just"happy down south".~Matt<p>

"Uh okay? But anyways I still need to check him"~Guard  
>"You touch my boyfriend in the wrong place I will end you!"~Matt<br>"Matt, don't worry!"~Mello  
>"I'M WARNING YOU!"~Matt<br>***After a few minutes the guard and Mello come back*  
><strong>"So what did you find?"~L

"The reason for the beeping was this paper clip in his back pocket."~Guard  
>"YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME! I got UNDRESSED for a PAPER CLIP?"~Mello<p>

"Sir, I'm very sorry about this but we have to be sure there won't be any bombs or anything harmful on this plane."~Guard

*Flights to Sydney now boarding*

"That's our flight, lets go!~Near


	3. Chapter 3

**(AN) Okay so chapter3 now took me a while i haven't been bored in a while. And I'm so pissed off because i drew an amazing picture of L and the guy i was passing notes with asked me out and i said no so he got mad and saw what i was drawing and ripped it. Me and my ramblings, sorry about that on with story**...

*On the plane*

"THIS CAN"T BE! I PACKED 3 CASES OF THEM IN MY SUITCASE!"~Mello

"What's wrong baby?"~Matt

"DON'T CALL ME BABY YOU MOTHER FUCKING ASSHOLE!"~Mello

"Huh?"~Matt

"I KNOW WHAT YOUR DID!1 YOU TOOK MY GOD DAMN CHOCOLATE!"~Mello

"Whoa, Mells calm down you've got like 50 in your carry on" ~Matt

"SHUT UP AND GIVE ME MY DAMN CHOCOLATE BEFORE I RAPE YOU AND- oh yeah my carry on"~Mello

*checks carry on*

"THERE... IS...NO...CHOCOLATE...IN...THERE!"~Mello

"Calm down, people are looking. Um, maybe you put it in the wrong compartment or something. I don't know ask Near or Ryuzaki"~Matt

"RYUZAKI KNOW TO NEVER TOUCH MY CHOCOLATE OR MY TRALALA!"~Mello

"HEY MAN YOUR MAKING MY KIDS SCARED!" ~Random lady

"I'M SO GOD DAMN SORRY!"~Mello

"Sorry, Lady, but do you have a chocolate bar for him?"~Matt

"Uh maybe lemme check..." ~Lady *pulls out chocolate bar*  
>"CHOCOLATE!" *grabs from lady and shoves the entire thing in his mouth*~Mello<p>

"This...this is freaking DARK CHOCOLATE! I HATE DARK CHOCOLATE!" ~Mello

"DAMN IT MELLO I'VE HAD IT WITH YOUR CRAP! IT'S EITHER THIS CHOCOLATE OR NO FUCKING CHOCOLATE AT ALL!"~Matt

*Mello's eyes starts to water*

"Are- Are you crying?" ~Matt

*Near turns around and is eating pop corn*

"I'M NOT CRYING! I JUST GOT SOME SALT FROM NEAR'S DAMN POPCORN!"~Mello

"Near isn't even next to you"~Matt

"I am sitting in front of you, Mello. It's nearly impossible for that to happen."~Near

"WELL YOU KNOW WHAT! IT IS POSSIBLE CAUSE IT JUST HAPPENED" ~Mello

"Oh i found some non-dark chocolate"~lady

"GIVE IT HERE LADY!" ~Mello

*Matt takes chocolate* "Mello, I will give you this chocolate bar if you tell me the truth... Were you crying?"~Matt

"..." ~Near watching intently

"...yes..."~Mello

"oh my Mello"~Matt

*Matt hugs Mello*

*Lady shields her childrens eyes*

"Hey lady at least we aren't kissing"~Mello

*lady gets up and puts her arm around L*  
>"So you come here often?"~lady<p>

"uh *L shifts uncomfortably* no..."~L

"My name is Linda, whats yours?"~Linda

"Linda... as in the girl from Wammy's?" ~L

"yes"~Linda

"interesting. Do you remember me?" L

"Uh maybe what was your letter?"**~Linda**

"L. The L" *whispers*~L

"Woah, and M and M and N too!" ~Linda

"Oh my god i do remember you... i- uh-used to have a crush on you when we were little"~Linda

"Linda! Guess who is L"s lover?"  
>"isn't it Matt?"~Linda<p>

"No He's mine! AND YOU BETTER NOT BE CHEATING ON ME WITH L"~Mello

"I'm not Mello! You're the only one who can get me happy down south"~Matt

"This just got a whole lot of awkward. Well it was great seeing you guys again. We should keep in touch." ~Linda

"Yep same here Linda"~L

"I love you Ryuzaki"~Near

*Linda quickly walks back to her seat*

"I love you too, Near"~L

*voice over interthingy* We will be landing in Sydney in a few minutes, please be seated with seat belts on. Thank you for flying with American Airlines*

*5 minutes later*  
>"Matt, my ass hurts from the damn seats!"~Mello<p>

"What do you want me to do? Rub it?"~Matt

"Oh gosh, please there are children!" ~Some old guy

*L and Near breaking into laughs*

"SHUT UP!" ~Matt

"You're the one that wants to rub Mello's butt bwahahahaha!"~Near

*plane lands*

"keep laughing and i'll make sure you and L can't make any babies!"~Matt

*Mello stands up to get carry on bag in lil compartment and accidentally opens wrong one*

"Awe frick man, here's why my choclate went! I WENT AN ENTIRE 6 HOURS WITHOUT CHOCLOATE AND IT WAS ALL RIGHT HERE!"~Mello

"that explains why there was tampons in "your" bag"~L

*old fat lady sitting behind them* "You found my bag! Thank you so much sonny" *kisses Mello on the cheek*

*Mello starts freaking out and crap*

"Ma'am not to be rude but you kiss him again I'll whup your granny ass"~Matt

"DONT'T BE RUDE MATT!"~L

*Old lady puts hand up to neck* "And who do you think you are? Wearing stupid goggles like that on a plane." Leaves

"AT LEAST I DON'T HAVE JELLY ROLLS!"~Matt

*matt runs away quickly to avoid getting killed by old lady*

"Whaa! Baahahahaha!" *Starts crying*

"Matt why did you have to make her cry?"~Near

"Cause she made fun of my goggles dumb ass"~Matt

L sighs "Time to leave everyone"

"Maybe this wasn't a good idea to go all together" ~Near

"Whaaaat?"~Mello

"This trip is just getting good! I made an old lady cry!"~Matt

"Exactally why we shouldn't have gone together. You'll make all us wammy kids look bad" ~L

"Okay we'll behave."~Mello

"unless i get happy down south or drunk then me and Matt will have some hot sex"~Mello

"You're so fucked up in the head mello"~L

"Where are your Finn and Jake costumes?" ~Near

"We payed some people to wear them at the airport"~ Matt

"They should be here by now "~Mello

"Where the frick are they?" ~Matt

"I can't wait to see this," ~L

"Uh Mello, Matt is that them?"~Near

"THERE THEY ARE!" ~Mello

*runs over to them*

"Do u have any grapes?"~Near  
>"Near nows no the time for a boner"~L<p>

"Speaking of grapes, the people wearing our costumes are holding a basket of them now!" ~Mello

"I asked them to do that, hehe"~Matt

"Near i swear to god save them for when we get in the hotel"~L

"Whatever you want L...*as long as i get fucked*~Near

*Matt runs over to the guys in the costumes and tears them off leaving the 2 nerdy guys in their underwear* "Here are our costumes Mello!" ~Matt

"they look awesome~Mello

"Let's take seperate Taxi's, Matt and I will go to the comic con and you guys can go to my grandmas house."~Mello

"Does your grandma happen to have a soundproof room?"~L

"Actually yes. She insisted it be there. That's why I went to Wammy's instead of living with her. Here's the address."~Mello

"allright lets go Near"~L


	4. Chapter 4

Oh My Kira! It has been forever since I updated this story. I'm sorry for you people who are waiting for me to update. Well here's the next chapter, enjoy! I do not own Deathnote or any of it's characters but I did steal L's poptarts and that was a mistake, don't try it!

*arrive at Mello's grandmothers house*

*L knocks on door*

"MELLO! MY BOY, ITS YOU!" Mello's grandma bear hugs Near

"Help..."~Near

"Erm, Miss Mello's grandmother, that's not Mello" ~L

"its...me ...Near,," *cough cough*~near

*Throws Near on the ground* "Mello says he hates you! WHY YOU AT MEH HOUSE?!" ~Grandma

"You see i accidental ate his chocolate"~Near

"And we are here to get some more from him"~L

"...the special chocolate I GAVE HIM?" ~Grandma

"...yes..." ~Near  
>*Near runs behind L*<p>

"I have an entire basement full of it, It's in the sound proof room" ~Grandma

"So could we have some to bring to Mello?"~L

"And his Lover?"~L

"Oooo Mello has a girlfriend? What's her name?"~Grandma

"I bet she's beautiful" ~Grandma

"uh HIS name is Matt"~L

"...his?" ~Grandma

"yes, Mello is sorta... kinda...100% gay"~L

"Well, I bet he's hot then" ~Grandma

"..."~Near and L *exchange awkward glance*

"Anyway, come on in to my humble home! I hope you like cats because I have 29" ~Grandma

"Well, actually I have never seen a cat before." ~L

As soon as L saw them cats he said "There is a shitload of cats here!"~L  
>"young man!" *slaps L on the back of his head*<br>"There will be NO Vulgar language when you are in this house!"~Grandma

"Sorry Grandma" ~Near

"Oh I like this one already!" ~Grandma

"Want to see Mello's room while he lived with me?" ~Grandma

"Yes!"~Near

"Follow me deary and the black haired one" ~Grandma

"My name is Ryuzaki"~L  
>"It's too hard to say, so I'll call you Ryuga"~Grandma<p>

*opens door and is painted bright pink with My Little Pony posters on the wall and a princess theme*

"He picked out everything himself" ~Grandma

"OH MY GOD! MELLO IS SUCH A GIRLY BITCH!"~Near

*Rolling on the ground laughing*

"NO VULGAR LANGUAGE!" *Grandma kicks Near right where it hurts* ~Grandma

"Owwwie!"~Near

"Kiss it Ryuzaki, make it feel better"~Near

"It's what you get. The chocolate is in the basement. Get as much as you need. I will be writing a letter to my dearest grandson" ~Grandma

"Okay"~L

"Hey L"~Near

"What is it?" ~L

"we are in a sound proof room"~Near  
>"yeah?"~L<p>

"Wanna have some fun?"~Near

"Hehe" ~L

* * *

><p>AN

Random Fact: Never play leapfrog with a unicorn or a narwal. So with that... bye.


	5. Chapter 5

*Mello and Matt at comic-con*

"Finally we're here!" ~Matt

"LETS PWN SOME PEOPLE!"~Mello

"Lets Go!"~Matt

*Walk into the building and see masses of people dressed as Matt and Mello*

"OH MY KIRA!"~Mello

"What is this? We should just ditch the costumes and go as ourselves" ~Matt

*take off costumes and throw them into a trash can*

"I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE GONE AS YOU AND YOU AS ME"~Mello

*change into normal clothes*

"Ladies and Gentlemen, we are now having the Mello and Matt look-alike contest!" ~Announcer Man

"Would all people dressed as Matt and Mello from Death Note please come up to the center stage now for judging"~Announcer Man

"Mello, we should do this! We would win for sure!" ~Matt

"No!"~Mello

"The winner of this contest gets a year supply of chocolate!"~Announcer

"Let's do it." ~Mello

"Hmmm" *judges go on stage to look at them*

*Mello gets out a piece of chocolate*

*other Mello's see him and also gets out a piece of chocolate

"Oh it's on!" ~Mello

"Bring it!"~fake Mello

*Judges eliminate everyone but those 2 pairs*

*Real Matt pulls out PSP and starts playing a game*

"Mello, I'm getting bored, we've been standing here forever" ~Matt

*fake Matt pulls out a cigarette and starts playing game boy*

"That's not even the brand I smoke!" ~Matt

*Real Matt puts on goggles and pulls out a cigarette*

"dude its still a smoke"~Fake Matt

"It's all about the details buddy"~Real Matt

"And you don't even have my scar!" ~Mello

"Dude nobody cares about that"~fake Matt *to the real Mello*

"Matt doesn't call people dude"~Matt

*L and Near walk in*

"Mello, we got your chocolate can we go now?" ~L

*Fan girls go crazy over L and Near is forever alone*

"Whoa, you guys are awesome Cosplayers" Fake Matt and Mello

"Damn straight"~Mello

*Matt kisses Mello*

"uh Matt and Mello aren't dating"~Fake Matt

"We are the REAL Matt and Mello so stick that in your baby juice boxes and SUCK IT!" ~Mello

"And the winners of the Matt and Mello contest are these two!*points to the real Matt and Mello* And may I say ma'am your costume is awesome!"~announcer

"Which one of us is a girl?" ~Matt

*everyone looks over at Mello*

"I'M A BOY DAMMIT!" *Mello pulls down pants to show them*

*Everyone in the comic con building applauds*

"Damn Mello! That's so big I wanna fuck you!"~L

*Near starts crying* "Aww, Near why are you crying?"~L

*L picks Near up and sets him on his lap*

"I thought we were a thing! We're through, L! If you are in love with Mello, you can HAVE HIM!"~Near *jumps off lap and goes bawling into the street where he gets hit by a taxi*

*L runs like Cake's on the line over to Near*

"No I don't want your sympathy! I'll become a wonderful dog trainer... I'll be the best in the world! Everyone will know Nate River..the Dog Trainer! I don't need you L! Taxi that just ran me over, take me to a dog shelter ASAP!" ~Near

*Near goes to the dog shelter and finds a Panda-ish looking dog and names it Panda-Kun!*

*Panda-Kun pees all over Nears leg* "I'll take him!" ~Near"That'll be $400" ~Cashier man "Take it out of L's account please! I gotta dog show to win!" ~Near

*Near goes to the dog show training area and tries to teach his dog not to hump his leg because it reminded him that L used to do that*

"And next up is Mr. Nate River and his dog Panda-kun!"~ announcer guy

"Alright Panda-kun, this is the moment we've been waiting for!"~Near *Panda-kun runs over to Near and humps his leg* "Panda-kun! Stop it!" * Near walks into the arena with his Panda-like dog on his leg and sees L in the stands. L blows kiss to Near*

_'Oh crap! I never taught my dog to do any tricks! what do I do now?'_

*Near awkwardly waddles off into the stands to L*

"We should meet back with Mello and Matt now."~L

"Okay"~Near

*walking on street*

"Near didn't it hurt when you got ran over by the taxi?"~L

"No the first time never hurts"

*Taxi runs him over again*

"Near! Are you okay?!"~L

"..."~Near

*Random Circus people appear magically and took Near*

*Five seconds later they came back and took L too*

"Where are you taking us?"~L

"To the circus! You both are freaks of nature!"~Ringleader

"Freaks?"~L

"Yeah, you are a human panda and he is a human sheep! Don't deny your true nature! Oh by the way does this dishcloth smell like chloroform?"~ringleader *holds out dishcloth*

"Hmm, Why yes I believe it doe-"~L *goes unconscious*

* * *

><p>So that's it for this chapter! Next chapter we will find out the story of Near's past and half the things Mimic and I wrote were so fucked up! XD I'm pretty sure we were sugar high or something. Anyways I will update either today again or tomorrow, bye!<p> 


	6. Chapter 6

"Come one, come all to see Near! The mysterious sheep boy!"

"I'm not a sheep"~Near

"Yes you are, now shut up Near"~Ringleader

"Mommy! Can we get him?"~random little girl "No, he probably has a STD or something." ~little girl's mom

"I PROBABLY DO! I HAVE BEEN RAPED SEVERAL TIMES!"~Near

"Really? When did this happen?"~Ringleader

"It happened when I was a child!"~Near says dramatically

*cue flashback* "I was born as a result from a horny teenager fucking a sheep. My parents gave me away because I was part sheep. I was adopted into a sheep loving family, with a real mother and father."

"But when I was milking random sheeps on a child molester's farm, I was raped... I enjoyed every minuet of it. After that I began to become paranoid and awkward, so I found a way to prevent the rape of sheeps and myself. So I filled my asshole and vagina with glue, when the glue harden it became the first gluestick to be invented. I realized my glue stick could make me lots of money. So, I created two different brands and many varieties of glue sticks. Then named them after my true name, Elmer Roseart."~Near *End flashback*

"Wait, so you're a girl?"~ringmaster~ "Well, I'm asexual. I have both parts" ~Near

"So you can literarly fuck yourself and have a child where your the mother and father?"~ringmaster

"Yes. It's both a blessing and a curse" ~Near

*near fucks himself in front of everybody, little kids watch in amazement*"And now I am pregnant"~Near

"So, if you've done that before..how many kids have you had?" ~Ringleader

"Actually that was my first time, I have had other kids but the horney teenager, that's my dad, fucked me 4 times and he never heped me raise them! That Bastard!"~Near

"I'm...sorry. I didn't know that. Wait-how did you know you can fuck yourself if this was your first time?" ~Ringleader

"I watch porn."~Near

"I am in porn."~Ringleader

"Is-is that my sheep baby?" ~talking sheep

"Mother?"~Near

"Baby sheep!"~mother *smacks Near*

"Oww! What was that for?!"~Near

"For getting yourself pregnant you little horney slut!"~Mother

"YOU LET YOURSELF BE RAPED!" ~Near

"Its not my fault your daddy was horney!"~talking sheep

"You weren't even married!"~Near

"Well I loved him!"~Mother

"I bet you didn't know his name!"~Near

"I knew his name!"~Mother

"Then pray-tell what was it?"~Near

"Light Yagami!"~Mother

* * *

><p>Gasp! Cliffhanger! I'm sorry if any Near lovers have lost respect for him Lol I'm proud of Near he invented the gluestick haha just kidding! Until next time.<p> 


End file.
